While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
