Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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