im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
