Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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