I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
