What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i've created a new STD.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
