just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
