Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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