Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
