I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
