Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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