If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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