she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
