I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize