you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
