can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
