gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
