Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
