she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me đ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize