NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
