I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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