i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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