Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
