i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is there bacon in the couch?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
