i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
