and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you had me at cake vodka
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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