Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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