Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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