i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its liver damage thursday
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
