if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
