I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
