On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
