His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have already put on my inside pants.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
