one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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