You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
