so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
