if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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