well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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