her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
