so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
