i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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