When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
