puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize