I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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