It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
