Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
