She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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