Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
