My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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