Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
