His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
