I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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