I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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