Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
