some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
