the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
