I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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