If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
