This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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