im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
