from now on my penis is your penis
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize