Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
