Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
