yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
