we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
