You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
