your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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