the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
