her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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