Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
