ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
